You haven't been there since you were little. Now you go back...
There is one place that I look fondly upon with the greatest of memories. One would assume that it would be a childhood home, but in my case it's not. I grew up with a very rough childhood, always moving, fighting, and cramped quarters; however, my best friend Casey had a life I envied. Her parents were perfect. They had 6 beautiful children all tanned and big eyed with the sweetest disposition. I was the "bad" friend that most people didn't want their kids hanging around, but Casey's parents accepted me with open arms. We had many a good time in Casey's house. The sprawling lawn with the tree that grew sideways, the sun room, her bedroom where I hid from my mother when it was time to go...The time we spent there was always happy and fun. Then in middle school, I transferred schools and Casey and I lost touch. Thankfully, in high school we reconnected, but she was ripped from my life as soon as she re-entered. Her father's work enticed him to go to Texas, and in a matter of a week, she was gone. Due to their sudden departure, their house did not sell quite as fast as they might have hoped. It was bought months later, but recently was put up for sale. Since Casey's old house was less then a mile from my parent's house, I decided to make a drive by. Seeing that the house was for sale I decided to stop by with the guise that I was an interested buyer. To my luck, there was an open house. I entered, closing my eyes, expecting the worst. When I opened, the kitchen was exactly as I remembered. The doorway opened to a huge kitchen, the oak floors gleamed from the brass light fixtures overhead, the large stove and kitchen area in the back was minuscule compared to the giant stone fireplace. The whole kitchen still had some of Latina flavor left behind by Casey's mom. I intuitively glanced down at the socket next to the door, the CO2 alarm was gone. I had always been curious about that alarm, my parents had never thought it was needed, but Casey's doctor father had insisted. I walked to my right to the entry way, this had once been a fish sanctuary. All of the kids had their own tanks, full of colorful fish, Casey even had glowing ones that were activated by a uv light above their tank. Straight ahead was the sun room, I felt like it hadn't changed. White wicker furniture was scattered throughout, with mint green pillows and cushions. In my memories, this had doubled as the playroom, we had even spent a Halloween night here telling each other ghost stories s we lay propped up against those green pillows...we didn't sleep for days.
The rest of the downstairs consisted of a dining room, with an elaborate wood table and chairs, I quickly walked through it so that I could get to the back stair case to find the bedrooms. I walked the steps, having the number of them memorized by heart. It was almost as if I could see my 8 year old self zooming down the stairs, messy hair flying as I ran to the outdoors. When I reached the bedrooms I paused, a memory hit me of being dropped so hard by Casey and her sister that the wind got knocked out of me. I smiled. I walked into the room. It used to have two 3 beds for the 3 girls in the family. We had once even snuck some makeup in here and experimented with ways to use it, the lipstick prints still clung to the inside of the closet where we had pretended to be movie stars kissing our most loyal fans. It hurt to come back here, to realize all I had lost. I quickly hurried out and ran to my car. Behind me, the old treehouse beckoned to come play and knit more fake spider webs. Its dilapidated roof almost gave it the illusion that it was winking. As I drove away, that wink was the last thing I saw.
You really really have to break a piece this long into shorter grafs--more than just the two you have. Apart from consideration from your audience, your writing improves if you think in paragraph-size chunks instead of sentence-size. Paragraphing is part of the deal a writer has with the reader, and it's not just one more dumb thing your fourth grade teacher tried to ram down your throat.
ReplyDeleteWhew, those old lipstick marks are a killer detail. They encapsulate the sadness of passing time, unrecoverable pasts.
ReplyDeleteYou really double down on the detail--but the detail exists to make a larger point, not just to paint a picture--so it hooks into the reader's mind far more than any simple description would. The personal thread and childhood memories are a very effective frame for this place piece.